Coming back from Jamshedpur, I wrote to Swamiji: “Like all the previous years, your holy association has been very enriching. This time it has given a significant turn to my sadhana. For long I was strongly obsessed by the thoughts that I had to progress in sadhana as quickly as
possible, I had to read many shastras as fast as I could, etc.
“All these desires burdened me so much that the spiritual pursuit which is intended to bring peace and equanimity, often made me restless and tense. The ‘I’-ness or ego which should dissolve gradually, gained more and more dominance due to this obsession.
“Unburdening myself at your lotus-feet I have returned with a light heart. The mind will be free,I believe, if it can abide by the knowledge it has gained about the attitude to be taken towards life, sadhana, world – towards everything.
“I have started reciting a few of the shlokas mentioned by you. I like to recite and while reciting, the true meanings of the words dawn in my mind at certain moments. I am sending a separate sheet on which I have written down the verses dictated by you. If it does not take much of your precious time, could you conveniently go through them and correct the mistakes I might have committed in noting down?
“Regarding the ‘I’-ness, ‘I’ comes forward while doing work. How does it dissolve? …”
Soon came Swamiji’s reply: “… You have written about your mind’s lightness, because it has been freed of the obsession about sadhana. Mind’s progress is a secret; many are not patient and wise enough to recognize the subtle intricacies involved in the process.
सिद्ध्यसिद्ध्यो: समो भूत्वा समत्वं योग उच्यते ।48 ।
siddhy-asiddhyo: samo bhūtvā samatvaṃ yoga ucyate – Bhagavad Gita–2. 48
“Be sama (equal, impartial, equally tuned) to both siddhi and asiddhi. If samatva or equanimity in siddhi (success) and asiddhi (failure) is the yoga (spiritual union), then that applies to siddhi and asiddhi in sadhana as well. When the seeker is able to remain equanimous towards
progress, regress or stagnancy in sadhana and yet persist steadfastly, that itself is the fruition of sadhana.”
“For a worldly-minded, siddhi and asiddhi relate to worldly efforts. For a seeker, these relate to her sadhana. Equanimity applies to both alike. So, be indifferent or harmonious, and carry on. In such a condition, the meditative mind will become singular in its structure and function and the very content of the mind will shine forth. The mind-substance is itself the Self.
Your mind got freed of one burden but you are picking up the same on another front – that of ‘I’-ness. Leave that all. Rather than worrying about the obstacles, think of what is to be attained. Pursue enlightenment, then ignorance will flee.”
[From Ma’s book “In The Company of My Lord”. It relates to the letters written by her in …… when she was working in ……..]